Category Archives: life with wife

Permanence

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In September, I wrote about the process of applying for permanent residence. I also explained that I did not have a time line for having my application processed:

“Now we are waiting. We are hoping that Wife will be approved as a sponsor in January or February. Once she is approved as a sponsor, I can apply for an open work permit. An open work permit is valid until a decision is made regarding my application for permanent residence.  We do not have a time frame for the processing of my permanent residence application. It might take a few months, it might take a year.”

In December I was obsessively checking the application processing times posted on the CIC website every few days (even though they were updated irregularly). According to their website, our application was just about to begin being processed. However, just before Christmas, we received three letters from CIC.

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(Trying to) be sexy

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Remove brand new pair of black lace thigh high stockings from package. Put them on. Lay seductively on the bed and call for your wife. Wife eventually comes up. (“What if I was calling you because there was a fire in the bathroom?” “I was pretty sure you were just laying around trying to be sexy.” “… And you still took your sweet time?”) Wife goes to remove stockings “Hey! These are covered in cat hair!”

Summer

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Australians and Canadians have very different attitudes about summer.

Australians enjoy the beginning of summer. It’s nice to see the sun peek out from behind the clouds, leave our jackets in the wardrobe and plan barbeques. However, as the weeks where the temperature never dips below the high twenties, even at night, pass, as the beaches become more and more crowded as people attempt to escape the sweltering heat, as the sidewalk burns and the public transportation stops working … well, winter sounds like an amazing respite.

However, Canadians enjoy every moment of summer. It’s amazing to watch the snow melt, to leave coats and boots and mittens and hats in the closet. It also signals the beginning of numerous outdoor festivals and events. People take holidays in order to spend time with their friends and family.

Which is where I have been. Spending time with Wife (she alternates between loving my company and wanting to murder me). Spending time with friends. Rekindling old connections and making new ones.

And I’ve been loving it.

The Kids Are All Right

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This entry will contain spoilers.

Two weeks ago Wife won free passes to see The Kids Are All Right. Honestly I was a little bit hostile towards the film. When I read that one of the characters Jules, who has been in a lesbian relationship for twenty years, had an affair with a man, I was really angry. I did not want to see the film.

Yet I really enjoyed The Kids Are All Right.

Naturally I am upset that Jules had an affair with a man. We are all tired of the stereotype. We are all tired of explaining that this is not a phase. We are all tired of justifying our relationships. We are all tired of the thinly veiled rape references that run rampant in society (I don’t know how else I am supposed to interpret the people who believe that I just need a good dicking).

Yet Jules having an affair was a plot device that was semi plausible. I perceived that she was simply seeking comfort, rather than questioning her sexual orientation. In fact, in one post coital scene, she even refers to herself as a “middle aged, sad sack lesbian.”

I would be less upset about the plot device if  The Kids Are All Right was aimed at a queer audience rather than a mainstream audience. I don’t like talking about queer issues with straight people because I am always afraid that something that I say will be used against us. We’ve read the opinion pieces by people who believe that their conservative, homophobic views about same sex marriage are justified by their gay friends who do not want to get married (often taking the argument out of its correct context).

There were some really interesting questions about relationships in this film that were unrelated to Jules’ affair with Paul. For example, how do you keep a relationship exciting after twenty years? How do we deal with our family problems in a world that is hostile to our existence? Do our children feel pressured to be perfect because we are trying to prove a point that our families are valid and whole and just as good as yours? Furthermore, The Kids Are All Right could have initiated some interesting discussions about identity. What is a lesbian? If you have an affair with a man once in twenty years, are you a lesbian? Or do you become bisexual? How has the definition of lesbian changed in the past twenty years? Can we start to work on truly dismantling harmful ideas about sexuality in countries like Canada where being gay is not always a life or death issue?

Have you seen The Kids Are All Right? What do you think?

One Year

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We’ve been married one year.

Do you remember that we had a fight right before going to the church to get married? I had just come home from the job that I hated and was rushing around, having a shower, get into my wedding dress and make my hair presentable. You said that your mother complained that the amount we were planning to donate to our reverend was too much. I screamed that your mother did not have to involve herself with everything, that you did not have to automatically take her side.

We still got married.

In the past 365 days we have laughed, cried, fought, fucked, travelled, saved, spent, ate, drank, been sickly and healthy, screamed, cuddled, opened our hearts and our minds, filed paperwork, welcomed new people into our lives, changed jobs, started new ones.

I can’t imagine how amazing the rest of our life will be.

I love you.

Family Friday: we will be awesome parents

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Wife: There’s a chapter in this book on heteronormativity in children’s books.

Me: It sounds like you might read this book. I won’t have to read you the interesting bits.

Wife: There aren’t many children’s books that start with “Mommy and mommy are going to a protest.”

Me: We should write a series of children’s books. They would be the gayest children’s books on the planet.

Wife: I already know how our first book will end. Having to help Mommy escape from a make shift jail on the site of a G20 protest.

Vancation!

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Last night I had a photo taken for my U.S visa application, completed the DS-160 and paid a deposit for a hostel in Seattle. Then I learned that there are no visa appointments available at the consulate for the next two months.

Sadly we are not going to Seattle.

So we are going to have an amazing trip to Vancouver! With a stop in Kelowna to visit vineyards!