(Trying to) be sexy

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Remove brand new pair of black lace thigh high stockings from package. Put them on. Lay seductively on the bed and call for your wife. Wife eventually comes up. (“What if I was calling you because there was a fire in the bathroom?” “I was pretty sure you were just laying around trying to be sexy.” “… And you still took your sweet time?”) Wife goes to remove stockings “Hey! These are covered in cat hair!”

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Well educated

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I’m not poorly educated. I finished secondary school. I have a B.A with a major in political science from a very respectable university. However, I still feel that I have enormous gaps in my knowledge. There is simply so much that I don’t know about world history, feminist history, transgendered politics, political ideologies, philosophy, literature, anti racism, science, mathematics, religion and I could go on.

Wife, who is a teacher and also incredibly smart, says that education is a life long journey. That you won’t just wake up one morning and know everything in the world. I do agree that it is a life long journey. However, I’m not quite sure how I should approach this journey.

Sometimes I am a little bit broody that I am no longer a student.  I had access to an amazing library. Then I remember that I hated writing eassys in my first, second and then the first semester of third year.

So if you had to recomend three, easily accesible* books that would enrich another person’s understanding of the world, what would they be? What are the books that transformed your life?

*By easily accesible, I mean that they could be purchased on Amazon or in the public library of a conservative city.

Summer

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Australians and Canadians have very different attitudes about summer.

Australians enjoy the beginning of summer. It’s nice to see the sun peek out from behind the clouds, leave our jackets in the wardrobe and plan barbeques. However, as the weeks where the temperature never dips below the high twenties, even at night, pass, as the beaches become more and more crowded as people attempt to escape the sweltering heat, as the sidewalk burns and the public transportation stops working … well, winter sounds like an amazing respite.

However, Canadians enjoy every moment of summer. It’s amazing to watch the snow melt, to leave coats and boots and mittens and hats in the closet. It also signals the beginning of numerous outdoor festivals and events. People take holidays in order to spend time with their friends and family.

Which is where I have been. Spending time with Wife (she alternates between loving my company and wanting to murder me). Spending time with friends. Rekindling old connections and making new ones.

And I’ve been loving it.

The Kids Are All Right

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This entry will contain spoilers.

Two weeks ago Wife won free passes to see The Kids Are All Right. Honestly I was a little bit hostile towards the film. When I read that one of the characters Jules, who has been in a lesbian relationship for twenty years, had an affair with a man, I was really angry. I did not want to see the film.

Yet I really enjoyed The Kids Are All Right.

Naturally I am upset that Jules had an affair with a man. We are all tired of the stereotype. We are all tired of explaining that this is not a phase. We are all tired of justifying our relationships. We are all tired of the thinly veiled rape references that run rampant in society (I don’t know how else I am supposed to interpret the people who believe that I just need a good dicking).

Yet Jules having an affair was a plot device that was semi plausible. I perceived that she was simply seeking comfort, rather than questioning her sexual orientation. In fact, in one post coital scene, she even refers to herself as a “middle aged, sad sack lesbian.”

I would be less upset about the plot device if  The Kids Are All Right was aimed at a queer audience rather than a mainstream audience. I don’t like talking about queer issues with straight people because I am always afraid that something that I say will be used against us. We’ve read the opinion pieces by people who believe that their conservative, homophobic views about same sex marriage are justified by their gay friends who do not want to get married (often taking the argument out of its correct context).

There were some really interesting questions about relationships in this film that were unrelated to Jules’ affair with Paul. For example, how do you keep a relationship exciting after twenty years? How do we deal with our family problems in a world that is hostile to our existence? Do our children feel pressured to be perfect because we are trying to prove a point that our families are valid and whole and just as good as yours? Furthermore, The Kids Are All Right could have initiated some interesting discussions about identity. What is a lesbian? If you have an affair with a man once in twenty years, are you a lesbian? Or do you become bisexual? How has the definition of lesbian changed in the past twenty years? Can we start to work on truly dismantling harmful ideas about sexuality in countries like Canada where being gay is not always a life or death issue?

Have you seen The Kids Are All Right? What do you think?

One Year

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We’ve been married one year.

Do you remember that we had a fight right before going to the church to get married? I had just come home from the job that I hated and was rushing around, having a shower, get into my wedding dress and make my hair presentable. You said that your mother complained that the amount we were planning to donate to our reverend was too much. I screamed that your mother did not have to involve herself with everything, that you did not have to automatically take her side.

We still got married.

In the past 365 days we have laughed, cried, fought, fucked, travelled, saved, spent, ate, drank, been sickly and healthy, screamed, cuddled, opened our hearts and our minds, filed paperwork, welcomed new people into our lives, changed jobs, started new ones.

I can’t imagine how amazing the rest of our life will be.

I love you.

Exhaustion

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I am really tired today. Have been slowly sipping on a comically large energy drink since 11.30 am. A comically large energy drink that tells you not to consume more than one per day or you might never sleep again. It tastes terrible.

I would really like another one.

How do you cope with exhaustion? Or, better yet, can someone please tell me how to defeat the insomnia that has been stalking me for the past several weeks?